Iruka and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Bed
by monophobian
Summary: KAKAIRU. All Iruka wants to do is sleep. He just had the rotten luck of picking an inn infested with a lot of green nuisances. (Title is absolutely riffed from the beloved children's book.)


I was prompted to write a KakaIru ficlet in a Fairy Tale AU with Fluff. As much as I LOVE this pair, this is actually the first I've written for them. I was debating whether or not I should share this over here and decided that it was long enough to not be a drabble, and I'm a little proud of it. (I really am! I don't curse and there's no reference to sex! It's almost as if someone else wrote it!)

So here goes. Can you guess the fairy tale? (It's not hard. Really.)

(There's also a splash of a soulmate trope, just to make it extra fluffy.)

* * *

Iruka had never been so sure of a mistake in his life.

All he wanted to do was find a bed. After traveling too many hours over too many miles for too _freaking_ long, he was tired. He was hungry. And he just wanted to sleep.

The inn looked promising. The outside was well kept, the entrance clean and easy to find, even opening the door resulted in a cheery bell sounding his arrival to a lit and inviting foyer. The innkeeper was welcoming and brief, handing him a key and pointing him in the direction of his room. His perfect, clean, _quiet_ room.

And that awful, horrible, _worthless_ bed.

He didn't even know what was wrong! The mattress was comfortable, contouring under his body to support his spine just the way he preferred. The sheets were silky soft, cool to the touch but able to keep in warmth. The pillow felt as if it were made for his very head to rest on. He quickly stripped off his shoes, pulled out the band in his hair, changed into a simple shirt and shorts, and climbed right into bed. Heaven in the form of a night's sleep was in his fingertips.

But it didn't come. _Something_ wasn't right. He couldn't figure out what was going on. He could feel the quality of the bed he was sleeping on! Why couldn't he get to sleep?!

Laying on his back hurt his hips, but turning to his sides made it hard to breathe. Iruka flipped over completely and started counting sheep while on his stomach, but that only succeeded in pressing his groin into his thigh and there was _no_ way he was getting to sleep like _that_.

He turned around, pointing his feet to the head of the bed, but his legs cramped up. He angled himself diagonal only to find his neck stiffening. Positioning himself to the sides instead of the middle bothered his shoulders and dammit _he just wanted to sleep!_

Simply because the man was too stubborn for his own good, Iruka stayed; twisting and turning and tossing and hurting until he dozed into a fitful sleep that lasted until dawn.

* * *

Iruka barely managed to drag himself out of bed the next morning. Every part of him ached, from his neck down to his ankles. If anything, he felt _more_ tired waking up than he did climbing into bed. How he was going to manage another day's travel was beyond him, but the promise of a good breakfast motivated him out of the room.

He followed the sounds and smells out into a dining hall, filled with people _far_ too cheerful. They were flashing smiles and chatting happily and Iruka hated them all for it. He dredged up the friendliest greeting he could give to the chef and retreated to an empty space with his breakfast, hoping to finish quickly and be gone from this awful inn as soon as he could.

He was not expecting a sudden green ambush from a loud, booming voice and eerily animated eyebrows while in the middle of his toast. Maybe if he ignored it, it would go away.

"What a Good Morning it is, fair Prince. May I have the Honor of knowing your Name?"

Iruka fought back a groan. Its speech was as sparkly as its _teeth_. "I'm sorry, can you please lower your voice?" he made out, dashing for the cup of life-saving caffeinated coffee on the table.

"My apologies," the voice said in human-decibel. "Did you find a good night's rest elusive?"

Iruka blinked as the words slowly fit into sense in his head. "I slept terribly and because so, I am poor company at the moment," he replied. Then, "Wait, why did you call me a prince?"

He immediately regretted his question, as the teeth flashed brighter.

"Because! You have Proved to be Worthy of my Hip Rival's Affections!"

Iruka buried his head in his hands, hiding his eyes from the blinding light, and whimpered.

"That's enough, Gai."

The new voice was low and soft, silk over Iruka's poor, abused ears. He found himself melting into his chair, tension rushing off him like water. He lifted his head to see the newcomer, a tall man with striking silver hair, his gray eyes pinned on the green intrusion sitting at the table before sliding over to Iruka.

"Come on," the beautiful stranger murmured as he lifted Iruka to unsteady feet, "you could do with some rest."

By the time Iruka realized his protests, he found himself on a lovely, soft, comfortable bed with _nothing_ wrong. And he promptly fell asleep.

* * *

"Please tell me your name," the smooth voice asked him as Iruka woke later that afternoon, all aches and pains a mere memory.

He was lost in dark gray eyes and breathed out his name in response.

"Iruka," the man repeated, savoring the word on his tongue as his body swayed toward the bed. "I am sorry for your awful night here."

Iruka began to protest, but was silenced by the soft touch of fingertips to his lips.

"My friend sabotaged the rooms to find a suitable lover for me." Lovely lips lifted in a small smile. "He didn't seem to take in account that you might have reservations."

"Wouldn't _you_ have reservations?" Iruka blurted out, wondering how such a handsome man could possibly consider him for a lover.

"I did at first, when he told me his plan, and will again when you leave," came the answer, his low timbre rumbling over Iruka. "Unless there is a way to make you stay?"

The hand trailed from his lips, coasting up his jaw and into his hair, cradling his head. Iruka leaned into the touch, knowing already he couldn't leave this man. "Tell me your name."

"Kakashi."

"Well, Kakashi," Iruka tested, rolling the name over his lips and letting it resonate, echoing down until he felt his soul complete, "I'm sure you can think of something."

Kakashi's answering smile was as perfect as their kiss.


End file.
